The Seven Heartbreaking Chapters of Her Life
by keaRy anCe
Summary: Love is a mixture of joy and pain but sometimes people can be blinded by too much happiness making them forget that loving someone is not all hearts and flowers.
1. The Bible Verse

**It was faster than I thought. The revision, I mean.**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Gakuen Alice. Oh, this is the first time I wrote this disclaimer thing again.

This chapter is dedicated to _**Tearless Sonnet **_and _**Kyra Marie**_. Bunch of thanks to you guys!

**The Seven Heartbreaking Chapters of Her Life**

**Written by: keaRy anCe**

**Chapter One**

**"The Bible Verse"**

"Thank you Yuu, for that very, er, knowledgeable essay."

The class representative nodded and went back to his seat.

"You can read your essay now, Mikan-chan." Narumi smiled warmly at her from the front of the classroom. Months ago, Mr. Narumi had assigned an essay to them, regarding love. Today they had to recite it to the class.

The students of Class B turned their eyes to a brunette who sat at the back of the room. Mikan Sakura lifted her head from her gaze on the floor and stood up, making her way towards the front, her eyes oddly red and puffy. Like she had been crying the entire night.

The sixteen year old girl had a dismal expression on her face. It looked so out of place on her; normally, she was the life and soul of their class. The other students eyed her. Some with pity, some with smugness, others with concern. But either way, she stood her ground and glanced at the blonde teacher.

"Should I start now, Mr. Narumi?" she asked softly. He nodded. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and spoke.

"'_Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.' A passage taken from the book of Corinthians._

_The feeling of love can be explained in many ways. I'm sure we've all felt love at one point in our lives. For me, love is when my father tells me I'm still his little girl, every night before I go to sleep, even though I'm far from little now. Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, and he wears it every day. Love is in the form of my friends, who choose to ignore my moodiness on bad days, and take it upon themselves to cheer me up. But trying to define love in the first place is complicated in itself. And complication, for me, results to emotional blindness. That is why I concluded that love is also blind..."_

_

* * *

_

Students made way back to their homes after a long and tiring day in school. Mikan was whining and was thrashing herself before her stoic and cold best friend, Hotaru Imai. Anna Umenomiya and Nonoko Osagawara sighed as they watched the two arguing. It was because of the upcoming examinations that Mikan was being childish and Hotaru even colder.

"Geez, Hotaru, just help the girl. It's the best way to stop her," Nonoko said, giggling with Anna. Mikan and Hotaru's antics were so familiar to them, that they ended up pleading with Mikan's case to stop the arguing.

"Yeah, I know, right? Jinno's math problems kill me a little inside," laughed Anna.

Hotaru glared icily at them. "I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times. Study on your own and don't bother me." At the looks she received from the other girls, she sighed and pulled something out of her bag. "Here are the questions that'll most likely be included in the exams. Just go study at the library or something. There. I've helped you now. Don't bother me."

"You're amazing, Hotaru!" chorused Anna and Nonoko.

"What, are you serious? HOTARU! I love you so, so, so much! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Mikan bounced on her heels ecstatically. There's one load off her shoulders. She turned to the twins. "Hey, you guys, wanna come to the library with me?"

Anna shook her head. "I've got to cook dinner tonight."

"And I've got a report to do. Maybe next time," Nonoko said apologetically. Mikan smiled at them reassuringly and the four parted ways.

She was now searching for the library when she bumped to somebody.

"Ah, sorry Ruka-pyon." Mikan said, laughing a little. "I wasn't paying attention."

The blonde-haired heartthrob of Sumiasen High School blushed at her smile. To cover it, he glanced at his wristwatch. "It's fine. By the way, what are you doing here? It's kinda late,"

"Library. Exams are in a few weeks, and if I don't pass, my mom's gonna kill me!" Mikan grinned, scratching the back of her head sheepishly.

Ruka Nogi smiled shyly at her. "Good luck on your studies. Do you need any help? The library's going to close soon."

The girl shook her head. "Nah, I'm fine. Thanks for the offer, though."

"You sure?"

She laughed. "Yes, I'm sure Ruka-pyon. I'll see you later."

Mikan headed in the direction of the library, only to see that Ruka was right, and it was closed. She wanted to hit herself. _Way to go, Mikan, you idiot_, she thought to herself. With nowhere else to go, she wandered around the place until she saw a dark-haired boy resting against a Sakura tree.

Mikan tried to approach the said guy and perhaps start a conversation with her classmate and— though she wouldn't admit it— crush. She stopped in her tracks, however, when she realized that he was having a rather heated conversation with another classmate, a girl with dark green hair that curled fashionably to the tips. She was his girlfriend and childhood friend. Suddenly, sadness crept through Mikan's veins, throbbing and causing her so much pain. The girl was a brat, a bitch, and quite a rebel. Albeit those, however, he loved her so much. Mikan couldn't believe it, but everyone said so, didn't they? It was the old adage '_love is blind'_ that probably kept their relationship for so long.

She bit her lip and frowned. Of all people, why did he have to choose Sumire? Mikan had never liked Sumire. But the thing Mikan hated about her most was the fact that she had Natsume all to herself.

She didn't want to hear anything, but couldn't resist when the voices were getting louder and the tree shook with the pressure somebody pressed on.

"Why the hell are you breaking up with me? Am I not good enough? Are you not satisfied?" Natsume shouted furiously. He shook Sumire's shoulders un-relentlessly. He just couldn't accept the fact that his girlfriend for seven months was now breaking up with him.

Sumire burst into tears. "I'm so sorry. It's just that... At first, things were going right, for once. But now, I don't know. Please. Give me time to find myself again, and when I'm ready, I'll tell you if there is still you and me," she explained tearfully, caressing the side of Natsume's face.

Natsume brought her to his chest and held her. "Sumire... don't do this to me."

"I have things to fix with my family," she continued, "Things I need to settle. You need to fix yours, too, Natsume. Please, even just for a while, find someone who can make you smile…" She seemed to have found it hard to blurt out the next words; "Someone who isn't me. After everything, after all these reconciliation… I'll be back, Natsume. I promise."

His voice was hoarse when he whispered his next words. "You're not going anywhere?" He sounded like a child, all manly pride gone, but he didn't seem to care. Sumire merely nodded and pressed her lips against his— probably, the last time. Neither knew when it will all begin once again.

Then all too soon, in Natsume's opinion, she broke away from him and walked away.

Mikan stood stiff. "I just witnessed the huge break up between the Hyuuga-Shouda couple," she told herself in a barely audible voice, as if she couldn't believe it. She sneaked a glance at him; he looked so distressed, and though she didn't admit it aloud, she was, too. "Sumire's a fool," she said. How could anyone let go of the most handsome, sought-after, incredible guy in school? She might be a bit biased but it wasn't just _her _opinion. She then decided to comfort Natsume for the sake of friendship and... well, for the sake of it.

"Hey, Natsume." He looked at her fiercely and looked away to wipe his wet eyes as she took a seat beside him. _I love you, so much. _"You don't need to hide that. I heard everything and, well, I'm sorry for prying." Natsume didn't say anything, but the quick movements and accidental escapes of low chokes gave away. _She's a fool, Natsume_. "Everything will be fine. Waiting for her may be painful but it's the best you can do." _Look at me_. "If you need help, I'll lend you a hand." _I'll lend you my heart. _

"This isn't your business, little girl," he said quite sternly.

_He's trying to be cold and arrogant, _Mikan silently remarked to herself.

"But if you want to help, you can."

Mikan looked up. _Way beyond the universe_. "Tell me how." Without wasting another second, he leaned towards her, eyes dry and redder than ever, filled with passion and life. _Totally way beyond the universe_. "W—what are you doing?" She stuttered, suddenly feeling nervous. She wasn't comfortable in that position with Natsume Hyuuga. Heck, she wasn't comfortable in _any _position with Natsume Hyuuga!

He suddenly pressed a finger to her lips. "You can have more than this, if you'll be my girl."

_He said _what? _Oh God, he just said it! Natsume wants me to be his girlfriend! Wait; hold on a second, Mikan. This isn't right. _"You're insane. You just broke up with Sumire."

She didn't realize what had happened until she felt his warm lips against hers once again. Time seemed to have stopped when Natsume leaned closer and kissed her, deeply and more roughly than earlier. Mikan knew she was too young for … for _this_, but right then, she didn't care, because she knew she loves him. His tongue travelled in her mouth, heady and deep and so damn good. It was like heaven for Mikan, even better.

When they broke apart, she was at lost; she felt like she had not breathed in so many years.

"What do you say, Polka dots?" She almost forgot that Natsume liked to tease her about her undergarment print.

_Pervert_. Hence, she smiled. "Yes, I'll be your girlfriend," and she wrapped her arms around him, caging him in her small arms.

Just like that, they were an official couple. Mikan was so filled with happiness, glad that she was his and he was hers. She didn't feel it was right, but she shouldn't be troubled. Sumire told Natsume to look for someone. Natsume found her. Technically, _she _found Natsume, but those didn't actually matter right now.

Hiding his hesitance, he tried to look positive, even at the smallest degree. He _didn't _feel anything; the kiss was nothing like he had with Sumire, and all he felt was the longing desire of his heart to feel Sumire in his arms again.

O==================================================================O

Mikan paused a while to wipe away a few tears with the back of her hand, but nevertheless continued.

"_Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres..._"

**END OF CHAPTER**

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**I would like to thank Tearless Sonnet and Kyra Marie for making this chapter **_**way **_**better than before and I also like to appreciate their patience because I have read this story again and trust me, I'm not very happy with it. I'm almost ashamed that I published this story and to the readers that liked this very much so to make it out for everyone, I asked people who could help me and gladly they lend me their hands. **

**On the other hand, how do you like the changes? **

**Don't forget to leave a review especially to those **_**silent **_**readers out there.**

**PMs are sweet.**

**Reviews are sweeter.**

**V**

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	2. Of Outsets and Gossips

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Gakuen Alice, but a genius named Higuchi Tachibana does.

O===============================================================================O

**The Seven Heartbreaking Chapters of Her Life**

**Second Chapter**

**Written by: **_**keaRy anCe**_

"**Outset and Gossips"**

The whole class listened intently; it was a real life, fairy-tale-gone-wrong story that got them talking weeks back. The first paragraph indicated a lot of melancholic feelings that they all knew well, but majority seemed curious all the same, expectant and sympathy visible in their eyes.

Natsume felt guilt creeping up on him. His eyes were fixed over the trembling brunette before them, realizing just then how virtuous she seemed despite the obvious grief she was evoking. "She writes well," he accidentally murmured his thoughts aloud.

"You know, of all people, she was referring to you, right? We're both guilty but there's a part of me that's blaming her," said his _seat mate_ whose eyes looked bored. "Come on, isn't she grateful that you _at leas_t talked to her?"

"Stop talking," he fiercely demanded in a low tone. _You don't need to tell me_.

"_It has been known that affections should not be displayed in public. It was a strict, unspoken rule; but rules are meant to be broken, just like promises. It sure rocked the hell out of me, and to other people. Everyone broke it: consciously and unconsciously. The finale, however, is foreseen. We hear, read, and watch dramatic sad love stories, so it's no mystery. The protagonists have their own ways of living, of going on, but some simply couldn't let go. Probably because they felt like they were cheated— not in the literal sense, but the emotional way. It took them to the point wherein they questioned their minds: Did he love me back? Or didn't he?_

_

* * *

_

"Oh my god! Have you heard the _big _news?"

"The powerhouse couple just broke up!"

"Shut up! You're kidding!"

"Why would we? Sumire-sama declared it herself."

"Wait… then that means Natsume-sama is open for dating again?" Like a simple flick of the light bulb, the information registered and got the machines working: Natsume was single again. Call them crazy for the similar notions, but it was bound to have come up in any girl's mind. Flipping their hair over their shoulders, they rushed off to find the single beau.

Only to find him holding hands with Mikan Sakura.

"What on earth is going on?"

"Natsume, I'm not used to this," she whispered to her beloved boyfriend. Mikan flushed in embarrassment. She wasn't really used to these people talking ill of her. She tried to ignore the rumors circulating the school, but she still felt very uncomfortable.

Natsume bent his head to murmur in her ear; "Ignore them." The impact his velvety yet rough voice had boosted her confidence. "They're jealous."

_He's right_, she told herself, _He cares for you. He's serious. Believe him. _So she did. As they walked inside the room, many gasped. _Yep, it's true. We're official_. She couldn't remove the smug tone in her inner voice. Any girl was bound to have thought that: Natsume was the main attraction, and he was hers. She saw her friends on their side of the room, and so she whispered towards his ear, "I'm just going to greet them good morning, okay?"

She didn't notice how preoccupied he was. Natsume was motionlessly staring back at Sumire, who was formerly talking to her own clique. Hearing Mikan, he nodded, but his eyes lingered over Sumire's. They both stared at each other, feeling as if time had slowed down.

"Good morning," Mikan approached the three, "It's a _wonderful _sunshine-y day, isn't it?" Her cheerful voice, if possible, was even more cheerful. Neither of her friends missed the tone of voice.

"Aren't you extra ecstatic today?" Anna grinned. "So does this mean that the rumor is true?"

Mikan let out a dreamy sigh. "Positive!"

Nonoko was a bit concerned, but she didn't want to hurt her friend's feelings, especially when she was in high spirits. However, it'd be better than to keep the curiosity inside of her. "But I thought Natsume and Sumire were going strong?"

"All it matters now is that I love him," she replied, "And he loves me too."

All anxiety vanished from the two's face. "Good for you," they said. Both of them knew and believed that Mikan deserved to be happy.

Hotaru, however, was still a bit unsure and against the new relationship. "Only idiots agree to this kind of deal."

"Hey, I'm not an idiot!" Mikan retorted, "And it isn't a deal either."

"Do you know how bad this is?" Hotaru asked, but she got no reply, and so she continued; "Forget it. I can't tolerate any more of these problems you keep bringing to your life _I_ end up fixing."

Mikan didn't expect _that _to come from her best friend. Sure, she thought she'd be all pokerfaced and cold and strict, but she didn't think she'd be so against it. "Thank you, Hotaru, but I need you to just trust me, okay?" She smiled at her and proceeded to give her a hug, but then thought better of it. When Mr. Narumi entered the room, she went to sit beside Natsume behind. _I'm sure of this, Hotaru. Trust me._

"Settle down now, I'm about to give your assignment!" Practically half of the class groaned at this. It was the first period, after all.

"Mr. Narumi is really something," Mikan said in a low voice.

Natsume rolled his eyes. "Yeah. Something like an _unwarranted _freak." He spat out the words like spit, and Mikan frowned. It shouldn't have surprised her. After all, Natsume never really liked so many people. It was just his best friend Ruka and Sumire.

_No_, she silently scolded herself. _No Sumire. She's a mere remnant of his painful memories. No more, no less. _"Right," she agreed to Natsume's statement quite half-heartedly. Natsume and Sumire were so compatible and well-matched; they agreed on almost everything. They _were _the 'perfect pair', and no one disagreed with that.

"Now, now," Mr. Narumi chastised in an amused manner, "Don't groan at me like that! All I want you to do is very simple." He drew a heart on the board and faced the class once again. "I want you to write an essay on how you see love _now_, and again _three months later_."

Yuu raised his hand and was acknowledged. "But, sir, is it possible to change our beliefs in love within three months?"

The teacher only gave a mysterious smile. "Why, yes. Today is November 14, and three months from now, it's Valentine's Day. I think it's safe to say that there are great possibilities. Within three months, anything can happen."

"I'm so excited, Natsume-kun!" Mikan exclaimed, obviously keyed up, "I have so many things to say!" _Especially now that I have you_.

"Whatever," Natsume muttered. He didn't know what to write, or if he'd even do the essay. What would he put in anyway? His tragic break-up with Sumire Shouda or the stupid Mikan Sakura head over heels beside him?

* * *

"_And you know what? Mr. Narumi was right. Anything _can _happen in three months. The thing is, though, I didn't expect it to be this heartrending and agonizing. I know I have no right to complain, but hey, I can cry, right? Of course I can. Weeping is a simple response to an emotional state happening with humans. There's no escaping the fact that we _are _humans, and we've been cursed with this damned emotions, adding drama to an already-filled life. You want to know something else? Sometimes, it plain sucks being a human being."_

Mr. Narumi gulped back the tears and words of sympathy. Mikan hadn't even been through half of her essay but she had said so much already. His words suddenly felt like bullets shot to his heart. Karma was such a freak.

"Stop it, Mikan," Hotaru uttered under her breath. She had considered hauling her best friend out of the room, out of the school, out to the world. She may be bitter and cold, but she knew she shouldn't. Mikan and Natsume needed this moment. It was Mikan Sakura's turn.

* * *

Mikan was all smiles as they walked to Gym. It was her favorite subject, getting to move around and being fit. It didn't matter that it was the last subject of the day. "Hush down, PE's about to start," Anna said patiently, tying her shoelaces, which Mikan had unknowingly stepped on in all excitement.

She sighed. "We're not all on the same team, though." She brightened a little, though, when she was pointed out that Hotaru was one of her teammates, and so with much ecstasy, she raised a fist to the air and cheered, "Go soccer!"

_Idiots_, Hotaru thought when Anna and Nonoko did the same.

"Get the goal, damn it!" Sumire commanded fifteen minutes later as she dashed around the field for the ball. Hotaru glared at her, unfortunately, team captain. She merely sat on the bench, tired enough from running for the last ten minutes. She saw Mikan cheer after luckily reaching the net and kicking the ball.

Unbeknown to her, however, was that the satisfaction creeping through Mikan's conscience was not about winning, but about Sumire. Silently, Mikan chastised herself. _Get a grip, Mikan. You shouldn't be so insecure. Sumire and Natsume are way over._

It didn't stop her from gathering herself and walking towards the locker room. She vaguely heard Hotaru ask her where she was going. It didn't matter, though. She felt like she needed to be in the locker room right at that moment.

She halted in her tracks when she saw Sumire with a guy. A guy wiping the trickles of perspiration down his forehead to his perfectly chiseled jaw. A guy with damp raven hair.

_Natsume_. She didn't need to say it out loud. He was there. Right there. Handing Sumire a bottle of water.

"You don't have to do this, you know," Sumire was saying. Quietly, she tiptoed a little closer for better hearing. "You have Sakura," she added teasingly and winked.

"Who cares?" Natsume retorted. Mikan's heart started beating a little faster than it already was, if that was even possible!

Sumire sighed. From exasperation? Mikan was being hopeful, but she had every right to be. "You're bringing complication to things, Natsume. We're… _cheating _on Mikan. It makes me feel like the Wicked Witch of the West. Emphasis on _Wicked _and _Witch_."

But Natsume was adamant, and learning just that made Mikan's heart ache, as if someone was stopping it from beating. "Do I look like I give a shit?"

"Look, Natsume," Sumire forced him to look at her. "We both know we're going to get married. So have a little fun before that. Wait for a sec."

Suddenly and unexpected to both Sumire and Mikan, Natsume pulled Sumire's arm and brought her closer to his. Face near and lips a few inches apart, anyone knew what was going to happen next. "Patience isn't in my vocabulary."

_What on earth are they_ doing_? _Mikan couldn't do anything but watch, and she couldn't stop herself from watching either. _I mean, of course Natsume's a bit confused, that's perfectly understandable! But Sumire broke up with him! And _marry_? They're in high school!_

And so that was what she saw. Her boyfriend with his ex-girlfriend, making out in the locker room they thought was empty except of them two.

It felt like a nightmare. _No, _she silently corrected herself. _This _is _a nightmare._

And so, quietly as she could, Mikan ran out of locker room, grabbing a school jacket, and away from the lip-locking pair, past security, out of the school, and away from everyone with only one thought stuck in her head: _This won't stop me from loving Natsume_.

Ah, yes. A stubborn protagonist, isn't she?

* * *

She looked around her minutes later. She was on a small hill near school, a place she accidentally discovered when she was eight and ran when a classmate blamed her for the teacher's broken mug. She cried, and only came back when she vaguely heard the school bell signifying the end of class.

The trees swayed gently around her, and dried leaves waltzed down the grass. The air was so calm, so serene. And Mikan was the opposite. Without meaning to, she stood up and screamed at the top of her lungs; "You stupid, stupid idiot, Mikan Sakura! Oh, wait… You mean witch, Sumire Shouda! I hate you! I _hate _you! You're a… You're a… You're a good-for-nothing _flirt_!" _Yeah. That's what she is._

"That was harsh." Mikan jumped in surprise. She immediately looked behind her, hoping it wasn't someone she knew, or who knew Sumire. But apparently the guy behind her knew her. And Sumire. "You might be right, though. I don't know, I never got to know her that well."

"Ruka?" Mikan blinked. "What are you doing here?"

"Well…" Ruka's cheeks were warming up, and he looked down with a small smile. "I saw you along the streets. Supposedly I have a dentist appointment but, well, friends need to be attended first, right? So, what was _that _about?" He looked up, completely changing the subject and hoping she won't notice how awkward he felt.

She shrugged. "Leaking out my feelings. It's not everyday you see your boyfriend and his ex making out."

"Wow." Ruka gave out a low whistle. "You seem pretty calm."

"I _seem _like I am. I'm not." Sighing dejectedly, she plopped on the ground and hugged her knees. "I like him. More than that, actually."

He was quiet for a moment. She thought she had left, probably found her chosen topic boring. But no, Ruka wasn't that type of guy, and instead, he sat down on the grass beside her.

"Really?" was his one-liner answer.

She nodded absentmindedly and stared out at the city. The busy streets of Tokyo. Cars zooming past each other. Shoppers walking around for early Christmas shopping. Bells chiming. Cars honking. "I think so. No, I _know _so. I mean, you've ever gotten that feeling when… when you see the person you really, really like? Not the elementary definition, but the one with intense emotions, with real feelings. Not puppy love." She paused, slowly smiling. "Your heart thumps fast, your cheeks blush, and nobody else matters except that person. Time stops. You accept everything about them, looking past their flaws and learning to love them because of it."

Realizing she was rambling, she stopped herself before saying more and looked towards at Ruka, waiting for an answer. His eyes were on the city too, and he had that float-y and dreamy expression on his face. "Yeah…"

Mikan smiled and glanced at her watch. "I probably should get going now. I still need to grab my stuffs and change out of this stinky gym clothes."

That night, after eating a hearty supper, she satisfyingly sat on the chair infront of her desk.

_Love_.

She stared at her essay and the uncapped pen.

_Love._

Leaning against the chair, Mikan swayed her legs and stared out of the window.

_Love_.

The darkness was comforting. The quarter moon glinted and the stars sparkled.

_Love_.

One word.

And so, she crossed her legs and pressed the pen's point against the paper.

"_One word. One syllable. Easy to spell, easy to say, yet hard to really, really feel. Love. Yes, love. That wonderful tingling emotion you feel when you see him walking along the corridors. The same emotion making you smile unconsciously when the warm city breeze makes his hair flow like the ocean. That sensation gushing through you like a stream of giddiness."_

_Love_.

Just like that, she forgot whatever happened earlier. All she could think of was that love made her happy.

Natsume, however imperfect he may be, however confused he was, made her happy.

* * *

Mikan knew the day would be one of the luckiest days of her life when she saw Natsume at the front gate the following morning. She called after him, and he merely glanced behind when she did, a bored look on his handsome features. It was a normal look for him, but she couldn't help admiring him every single day.

"Pretty good wake up call?" She asked, a winsome smile still on as she held his hand and swung it back and forth. They walked towards the buildings, ignoring whispers and stares. Mikan could handle that. She could handle anything for him.

Which is why she forced the nasty memories from yesterday to the back of her mind.

_Sumire woke me up_, he wanted to say out loud. But of course he wouldn't. He couldn't. He shrugged and glanced at her. "Same as you."

Mikan nodded serenely, flying to oblivion with contentment. Today _will _be a lucky day for her.

But Natsume thought otherwise. He couldn't stand the Sakura girl. He can't even understand what brought him to blurt those words. It was probably the longing he felt when Sumire turned his back on him, saying they needed to be apart for a while and find somebody else… for the meantime.

"Natsume?" He snapped back to reality and saw Mikan giving him a concern look a sympathetic person would give a child crying on the playground. "You're, err, gripping my hand too hard."

He didn't say anything.

_Natsume, what's wrong? _Mikan wanted to ask. She lacked the courage. And besides, he didn't want to talk about it. She should respect his privacy. Except… except, they're going out. They should be faithful to each other, and if something was bothering him, Mikan should know about it.

_What if it's about Sumire? What are you going to do about it?_

And so the annoying conscience has decided to do the commentary. The rational part of Mikan's brain had stepped forward and made her see sense.

_I don't know, _Mikan told herself frantically. _What _should _I do?_

Now she was talking to herself. She mentally reminded herself to check if that was normal.

_Be true. Be straightforward. Be brave._

"Do you love me?"

The words escaped her lips before she could even stop it. They both stopped dead on their tracks and Natsume actually blinked once to show his confusion. "Why'd you ask?"

"I asked you a question." She said firmly, and repeated the words: "Do you love me?"

There was no hesitation. "Yes."

And she fell for it. She fell for his fib. Just because he didn't 'hesitate'.

She didn't see him crossing his fingers behind his back.

"It's a wonderful essay," Mr. Narumi gave her a gentle smile, setting the paper down. "But…"

"But what?" Mikan was eager to know every critique he has for her essay. She wanted it to be perfect and real, inspiring and true.

Mr. Narumi clasped his hands together. "I think there's more to love than how it's like fluff puffs and bliss. What about the negative parts of it? The bitterness of love?"

"But isn't the point of love is to make people happy? To make them smile? It's a positive feeling…" her voice trailed off, but she gained composure and defended her essay. "Why should there be something negative about it?"

"Well…" He thought of a suitable answer for the optimistic girl. "We learn from love. Sometimes it's not all about sunshine and rainbows, no matter how we wish it is. But on some accounts, we learn due to the unpleasantness of it. We get something out of it."

* * *

"_Back then, I've always believed that love only brings sunshine smiles and glorious days. Again, I was proven wrong. Just like the three-month-change. I should've, I don't know, expected more? Yes, that's it, more. More than what I saw with my naked eyes, more than what my brain told me, not what my heart felt. And so, unconsciously, I made a disaster out of myself. I made my life a big joke, something that everyone would always be able to laugh at and mock, saying how stupid someone could be._

_Love is bitter. But I never expected it to be bitter to me. It's selfish and conceited, but I always believed I was worth more than that. I wasn't worth the tears or the pain. I felt like I didn't deserve that, because I was, well, good. I was obedient and true and honest. The annoying thing about love, though, is that it didn't even warn me. It just struck like lightning when you least expect it._

_So I told myself that I hated love. I hated it. I despised every bit of it. It was just so unfair! But then, realization struck me. I didn't hate love, even though it snapped me into two! I didn't hate men either. I shouldn't blame the whole species just because of one guy._

_It was and is easier to say that I hate myself. Very, very much."_

Tears fell down her rosy cheeks, trickling down her pointed nose, flowing down to her neck. It was a heartbreaking sight.

**End of Chapter**

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* * *

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Thank you very much _**Tearless Sonnet**_ and _**Kyra Marie**_.


	3. Citations and Midst

**The Seven Heartbreaking Chapters of Her Life**

"**Citations and Midst"**

**Written by: _keaRy anCe_**

_Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change._

Mikan blinked as she quietly read the words on Anna's pink notebook. She looked up to see the girl's smiling face.

"I got it from the internet," Anna explained. "I mean, isn't it perfect? Especially for the poor hearts that got broken." She put on a frown but lit up. "Anyways, I found loads, but I doubt it'll apply to you, anyway."

"Why not?" Mikan asked, feigning. Of course she knew the reason. Of course she won't tell them what she saw.

Nonoko rolled her eyes. "Come _on_, Mikan. I mean, your relationship with _the _Natsume Hyuuga is no secret."

Nodding with her lips pursed, Mikan's eyes glinted. As Anna and Nonoko went on with their conversation, she noticed Hotaru looking at her with raised eyebrows. "What?" she asked silently, feeling accused of something she didn't know. But this is Hotaru Imai. She would've known.

"Don't _'What?' _me," Hotaru whispered back dangerously, and Mikan saw the same glint in her eyes whenever she wanted to inform someone that she knew something in the most subtle way. "What are you going to do with Shouda?"

Mikan sighed. She wouldn't lie to Hotaru. She couldn't even do a small fib. There was always a giveaway. "I'm not going to do anything. You shouldn't either."

She gave her a pointed look. "I never said I would. I already told you I wouldn't meddle with _this _affair."

"I'm perfectly _fine_, Hotaru. Natsume and Sumire are… well, they're close friends, no one can deny that." Mikan sighed.

"You call frenching people _friends_?" Hotaru shook her head. "I'll be blunt with you, Mikan. Nogi is far better than Hyuuga."

"What? Ruka and I are just _friends_. We don't have… romantic feelings for each other, alright?"

"How do you know?" She raised a brow.

Mikan was a bit taken aback. She didn't know whose side Hotaru had spoken for, but it didn't matter, right? She and Ruka were really just good friends. And Mikan loves Natsume. So much. "Look, uhmm…" She stood up and gathered her stuffs, finally catching Anna and Nonoko's attention. "I need to stop by the library. I'll see you guys later."

"Hey, Natsume."

The words came out before Mikan could even stop herself. She didn't even know what drove her to say that. She should've just stayed quietly in the background like yesterday. What stubborn part of her soul had forced her to come forward?

Natsume and Sumire looked up at her arrival, the latter not bothering to cover her shock. She blinked a few times before grabbing her bag from Natsume and giving him a small smile of goodbye. She dashed away without even acknowledging Mikan, and the brunette put on an innocent face when she called after Sumire. "See you later, Sumire!" Her voice carried an uncanny tone of displeasure that was obvious to anyone, so she wasn't exactly surprised when Natsume grabbed her arm aggressively and made her face him.

"What the hell are you doing?" he demanded.

Mikan's eyes narrowed. _What the hell are _you _doing? _She wanted to answer back, to yell her inner thoughts. That it hurts. That he was hurting her unconsciously, unintentionally.

When she didn't say anything, he dragged her off to the nearest place where they would be obscured: the trees. Mikan pursed her lips. She didn't do anything wrong. Well, not deliberately. Of course, she knew she acted like a jealous bitch, but she didn't really mean to. It was the green monster doing all the talking, the glaring, and the acting. Not Mikan Sakura.

But to Natsume Hyuuga, it didn't matter. It was still _her_. His grip tightened and it hurt, but not as much as the pain troubling her fist-sized heart. How could one person take over something the size of her fist in the first place? How did Natsume work his charm to her heart without meaning to?

Mikan knew one thing, though. She didn't need to say it out loud, but it was positive. _Natsume doesn't love me alone_. It was natural, she reasoned, to have feelings to someone from the past, but she wouldn't understand that, no matter how much she tries. She has never loved someone like _this _before. And so, she cried the words that not only spoke for her tortured arm, but unknowingly, for her feelings as well. "_It hurts_."

Natsume's grasp suddenly loosened, and even he seemed surprised for a half-second over his reaction. He immediately looked away and Mikan didn't know if she imagined it or not when his lips moved, mouthing a small _sorry_.

"No, I…" she took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sure you and Sumire are still friends, no matter what happened."

He didn't say anything. His eyes were blank. His face was blank. He was still. Was it a good sign? A bad one? A normal one, perhaps?

"I mean, it's natural. I shouldn't have…" Her voice trailed off and she took a deep breath again, even deeper than the first. "I shouldn't have acted that way. I was being rude. I'm sorry."

"I," Natsume paused, but continued, eyes suddenly having life on it but still staring into space. "I can't let you two argue over me."

With those words, Mikan softly laughed. "Always the arrogant one, Natsume Hyuuga." She shook her head and smiled. "I promise to make this work, Natsume. I'll do everything I need to do. Remember, I love you. As much as I love myself."

His eyes turned to her, and he gave her a signature smirk of his. "Don't get into catfights with her and you're good to go."

"You sound like a doctor." She giggled. _This is how it's supposed to be. Just me and Natsume, happy and at ease. No Sumire. _"I meant what I said, you know. I'm willing to do anything to make this work. For us." _Because you're different_.

And so Mikan knew then. She didn't appreciate Natsume the way his fan club did. It was not just his wonderful raven hair, his tantalizing crimson eyes, his handsome chiseled face or his model features. It was because Natsume was _different _from every other guy. He has the aura that makes people back out, but daring them to go forward. He was a god. He _is _a god.

Adonis in the flesh. A supermodel from a magazine. But he wasn't perfect. No, he wasn't.

He was a different kind of guy.

* * *

Mikan was unnaturally giddy and nervous that Saturday afternoon. She was dressed in a dark blue winter dress and high leather leg boots. They were cheap purchases, but really cute and comfortable. She wanted to look nice, but not too dressy, on her first date with Natsume.

Her first date with Natsume.

Just the simple thought made her smile like a lovesick idiot. That's what love does to you, anyway, so what did it matter?

Mikan arrived fifteen minutes earlier than what was planned. She was so excited, but grew even more when she saw Natsume standing outside the train station. _Is he excited_? She asked herself. There was no _You're fooling yourself _comebacks from her mind. She knew she wasn't.

"You're early." She exclaimed when she got to him.

Natsume shrugged carelessly. "I didn't want to be late." And then, he gave her a rare, half-smile. It was barely seen, but nevertheless it made Mikan's heart soar.

"Where are we going?" she asked minutes later when they jumped out of the bus. It looked like the countryside, with mountains. Neither of them talked during the journey. Natsume didn't answer this time either, but he did speak, moments after.

"This is my favorite place." He said, taking her to a posh-looking restaurant. It was cold, and the mountains were topped with snow, like giant ice creams.

He seemed to have read her mind. "You cold?"

"Not really."

He rolled his eyes. "You're such a kid."

She blinked back a couple of times. "No, I'm not."

"Shut up." And before she could say more, he suddenly put an arm around her and brought her close to him. It was body heat. She could feel his warm breathing, the stable beating of his heart, his steady chest slowly going up and down.

Mikan didn't want to let go.

When the waiter arrived with their food, she reluctantly detached herself from him. She was cutting her steak and suddenly asked, "How long have you known this place?"

The hesitation was brief. "My mother and I went here before."

There was something in his tone that told her that he wasn't telling the truth. But why would he lie to her? _I'm being paranoid_, she decided, and decided to change the subject to his eyes

"I got it from my stupid father."

She raised a brow. "You know, speaking ill about your father isn't very nice. Did he do something stupid or do you just like to call everyone stupid?"

He scowled at her.

_How rude_. But this was their date, she decided. She wasn't going to let some idiotic argument ruin her day.

"You know," Mikan exclaimed, looking around at the breath-taking scenery, "I thought Richard Branson's house was the best, but this is just so stunning. Natsume snorted. "What?" she asked in defense.

"_Yoi _thought stupid Branson's house was the best?" He shook his head amusingly, and Mikan grew confused. Did she say something funny? "You're such an _idiot_. Everyone knows mine is the best."

"Right, right," Mikan rolled her eyes, "Of course, the Hyuugas are the best in _everything_. Give me a break, Natsume. It's not everyday I get to see something like _this_." She sneaked a glance and asked, "Am I the first one you brought here?"

"No." He said shortly.

Mikan had to smile. She wasn't crazy (well, not _that _crazy) but it felt nice knowing that Natsume was being honest. She knew Sumire was his first. He knew he was her first. Maybe even the last. And for Mikan, that's what matters most. Who cares if you're the first, when there are possibly many girls after you? Mikan would rather be the last. She was used to it. She wanted to be.

She didn't even know how it happened, but all of a sudden, his lips were on hers. They were warm and gentle, and very swift. Mikan wanted it to last forever, and ever, and ever.

"Let's go home?"

And the date was over.

It was nothing like the movies or the mall. It was not like a quick stroll or dinner outside. This date meant so much to Mikan. She loved it. "Thanks," she said with a winsome smile. "I enjoyed this, so much."

But the afternoon kept playing in her head all over again.

Mikan was worried that Tuesday. The following day would be her 16th birthday, but Natsume was nowhere to be seen. He hasn't called since their date two weeks ago. She felt sick. What if something happened to him? Then again, if something happened to _the _Hyuuga Natsume, it would be all over the news.

But there was still a throbbing feeling within her. She just couldn't figure it out.

* * *

Mr. Narumi knew Mikan was at her point. Her eyes were watery and her voice was trembling. Mikan was an emotional person; her tearing up in class was no surprise. Even the story wasn't. But Mikan had been selfish then, always wanting to get her own way, but at the same time wanting to help other people. Mr. Narumi had enough of Mikan's brawn. She was too strong for her own good. In just a few weeks, the stubborn, selfish Mikan became strong and steady. "Mikan, you don't have to continue if you don't want to."

She forced a smile. "I don't think it'd be fair to the rest of the class, Mr. Narumi."

Even Hotaru noticed the change with her best friend. She wasn't childish and a crybaby anymore. She was matured. She became a woman in a span of days.

"It's so sad," Anna commented quietly, teary-eyed as well.

Nonoko was in no better state. "It's the complete opposite of her first essay."

Mikan was not finished.

"_Fifteen was the silliest age of my life. I thought Taylor Swift was just bitter when she composed 'Fifteen'. I got crazy and criticized her so much, it annoyed my friends. But you know what? She's a genius. She warned every girl that 'I Love You' are just words when you're fifteen, but I was being my usual self and disregarded it all. She was saying things she didn't learn when she was fifteen. She was giving advice, so no one would do the same mistake again. But like I said, I was being my usual self. I didn't hear any of her words. I locked her out, along with my friends who were dead worried at that time. That was my mistake. But… I'm not fifteen anymore. I'm sixteen. I just had my sweet sixteen. Ironic, you know? The fact that someone you cared for forgot it and shattered you into pieces…well, that's not sweet."_

**End of Chapter**

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**Thank you Kyra Marie. :)**


	4. Martha Washington

**The Seven Heartbreaking Chapters of Her Life**

"_**Martha Washington"**_

**Written by:_ keaRy anCe_**

_Beep_.

_"I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances."  
- Martha Washington_

Mikan frowned at the text message. Anna has been sending her a lot of it since the holidays began. It was all miserable and sad and emotional.

_Hey Anna, something wrong with Yuu? Hope not. x_

_No,_ the answer came minutes later, _I think it's a reflection. By the way, tomorrow's your birthday. Advance 16th! xxx_

Mikan sighed. It was the last day of December but there was still no sign of Natsume.

_Thanks Anna! Celebration when classes resume. :)_

She was turning 16 tomorrow but her boyfriend has no idea. Tears started to form in her eyes, _again_, and Mikan tossed around the bed.

_Sure, see you then. Talk to you soon, xxxx_

Ruka and Hotaru arrived on their doorstep hours later. "Hey," Mikan smiled curiously. "What's up?"

"Happy Birthday, idiot." Hotaru muttered and handed Mikan a neatly-wrapped box.

Ruka handed his, cheeks heating up. "Hope you like this."

Mikan gave them a winsome smile. "Thanks, guys."

"Uh, what did Natsume give you?"

She blinked. _His absence._

As soon as the two were out, Mikan gave Natsume a ring.

"_Yeah?"_

She wanted to shout at the sound of his voice. She missed it. So much. Was she crazy? No, she didn't think so. It was normal. Perfectly normal. Anyone would miss someone you love. And she loved Natsume very, very much.

"Hello, Natsume. It's Mikan." She took a deep breath. "I just wanted to know if you can join me for dinner tonight. Just… a simple dinner."

"_Hey, Mikan, I'm sorry. I can't go, there's a family gathering. It's New Year, you know parents like mine."_

"Right…" She giggled nervously. "I'm sorry. I'm so selfish. Don't do anything stupid. I love you."

_Beep_.

And that was that.

It was almost midnight.

Her mother greeted her a "Happy, happy, birthday!" through a card and they were so dear, Mikan smiled for the first time after the depressing call from Natsume. Friends personally gave her the gifts. She was… happy. On those moments, that is.

She sighed deeply and walked out of the house. Christmas lights were still blinking around. Mikan blinked. It was cold. It was snowing.

It was snowing.

Mikan smiled.

She loved the snow. It wasn't everyday that you see unique white stuffs falling from the cloudy skies. It gave her hope that after every chaos in life, there'll be something beautiful. It didn't matter that she'd be working her poor brain off for more than half a year. Comes winter season and she'll be all smiles.

People were gathering on the park for the fireworks. It was minutes before January 1st.

The beginning of another chapter.

_You take a deep breath and you walk through the doors_

_It's the morning of your very first day_

_You say hi to your friends you ain't seen in a while_

_Try to stay out of everybody's way_

_It's your freshman year and you're gonna be here_

_For the next four years in this town_

_Hoping one of those senior boys will wink at you and say_

_You know I haven't seen you around, before_

_Fifteen years aren't dumb_, she remembered the exact words she told Nonoko. Ah, Anna and Nonoko. She got so many things from those two. Many, many things.

_Cause when you're fifteen and_

_Somebody tells you they love you_

_You're gonna believe them_

_And when you're fifteen feeling like_

_There's nothing to figure out_

_Well count to ten, take it in, this is life before you know_

_Who you're gonna be_

_At fifteen_

_You sit in class next to a redhead named Abigail_

_And soon enough you're best friends_

_Laughing at the other girls who think they're so cool_

_We'll be out of here as soon as we can_

_And then you're on your very first date_

_And he's got a car and you're feeling like flying_

_And your mama's waiting up and you're thinkin' he's the one_

_And you're dancing round your room when the night ends_

_When the night ends_

_Cause when you're fifteen and_

_Somebody tells you they love you_

_You're gonna believe them_

_When you're fifteen and your first kiss_

_Makes your head spin around but_

_Hey, _she grumbled to herself, glaring daggers at the sound system. Her first kiss didn't make her head spin around. It made her realized that she's lucky! _Take that._

_In your life you'll do things greater than_

_Dating the boy on the football team_

_But I didn't know it at fifteen_

_When all you wanted was to be wanted_

_Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now_

Despite of how much she disagrees with the song, however, she couldn't help but keep listening to it.

Maybe because it was true.

_Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday_

_But I realized some bigger dreams of mine_

_And Abigail gave everything she had to a boy_

_Who changed his mind_

_And we both cried_

She stopped on her tracks to let the black limousine pass. It dropped off a classy lady in a sparkling number and a fine-looking young man.

"What a handsome couple," murmured one.

"And they look so young," added another.

_Lucky_, she sighed.

_Cause when you're fifteen and_

_Somebody tells you they love you you're gonna believe them_

_And when you're fifteen_

_Don't forget to look before you fall_

_I've found time can heal most anything_

_And you just might find who you're supposed to be_

_I didn't know who I was supposed to be, at fifteen_

_La la la la la la la la la la_

_La la la la la la la la la la_

_La la la la la la la la_

Only, it was Sumire and Natsume.

_Your very first day_

_Take a deep breath girl_

_Take a deep breath as you walk through the doors_

_No, you said you're not going to cry!_

But she did. Mikan cried.

She might get run over a car, but who cares? Natsume and Sumire would probably even host a farewell party with "Finally!" written across their foreheads. _But of course,_ she bitterly told herself, _they'll be so high and mighty, it'd be embedded on their shirts… in gold!_

Mikan buried her face on her knees. Fireworks lit up the dark skies. It was January 1st. Normally, she'd be jumping up and down, throwing rice and coins to the air, pigging on delectable sweets and laughing like there's no tomorrow.

But she was an idiot.

She sighed and looked up. The sky was beautiful. They were showered with colors and sparks.

"I'm an idiot."

She lied down on the grass. People were gazing up. So was she.

She chuckled.

"I'm so stupid."

Finally, she laughed. Loudly. No one heard her, but even if they did, it wouldn't matter.

"Mikan Sakura," she cried out loud, "You are the _worst _person ever born!"

It made her feel good.

Natsume may run off with Sumire whenever he turns around, but Mikan would still love him. She would still love him even if he got married a million times. Even if he keeps killing her. Natsume would forever be in her heart… and no one could change that. Nothing could change that.

She sighed.

She was a big girl. She's sixteen, for Pete's sake. What's she doing? Crying over spilt milk. She was a big girl, but she was crying.

And suddenly, it didn't matter anymore.

**End of Chapter**

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**When I reread this chapter, oh, I almost cried. What do you think? Did you feel the same? Care to share it via reviews?**

**Thank you very much to Kyra Marie. You did such a good job.**


	5. The Essay

**The Seven Heartbreaking Chapters of Her Life**

"_**The Essay"**_

**Written by: **_**keaRy anCe**_

Mikan was silent and gloomy those following days. No matter what and how loud she shouted that first day of the year... it was still, still oh-so-painful.

The teacher announced that Natsume asked for a two-week leave. Shouda Sumire: Absent. Mikan wasn't daft. She knew they were together. Again. Probably for the rest of their freaking lives. _It was far too obvious_, Mikan thought bitterly, _I mean, where else? To church for the good of his soul?_

And that was the story. The pseudo-breakup between Natsume and Sumire and Mikan's pseudo-boyfriend Natsume. The naïve girl who loved pigtails, the bastard who couldn't keep his eyes off his ex, and the ex who was far too selfish. It was a movie playing before the class' eyes. Some wanted to speak, because movies needed reviews, but prying will be, well, prying.

When Anna tapped her shoulder, Mikan hastily ran a quick hand across her eyes and gave a winsome smile. It was full of expression, mixed with tangible emotions. "Hey, Mikan. Want to go out? My treat!"

When Mikan shook her head, Anna frowned. She wasn't used with such a silent Mikan. "Nonoko…" her voice trailed off as both of them stared at Mikan's still body.

"Leave her alone," Hotaru said. The two stared, but didn't say anything. "She needs time. We can at least give her that." _Because the only one who can solve this is the person who ruined it in the first place_.

Mr. Narumi had entered the classroom just as soon as Mikan stood up and ran out. It left him completely speechless.

Hotaru stood up and said, "My apologies, Mr. Narumi, but Mikan doesn't feel well and couldn't resist the urge to go. Please excuse her."

"Why, yes, Ms. Imai," Mr. Narumi said, but it was understood. He knew the reason, and he knew that Hotaru knew that he knew it.

Mikan ran out and away, ignoring the confused gazes following her as she dashed off. She bumped against students, tripped several times and caused teachers to accidentally let go of their books. But Mikan didn't stop. She didn't stop until she reached that particular tree, that tree where she thought they bought shared a promise of love, that tree where she thought, for the first time, she was blessed in love.

_I gave you everything, _she shouted at him in her mind, _I gave you everything I can, even thought it hurt me. You made me an idiot, Hyuuga. I was already one, but you made me an even bigger fool of myself._

Ring. Ring. Ring. _"Yeah?"_

"Natsume, its Mikan. I… Just meet me at the Sakura tree when you come back, after classes. Two weeks, right? Don't be late. I'll wait for you."

And she hung up and cried.

When she got home, tired and swollen and messy, she got the assignment she was given due a few weeks from then. Love, love, love. Sometimes, she wondered if Mr. Narumi's a psychic. There's just no way all of these was just a coincidence. Three months… three months suddenly felt like a lifetime to her.

"_Love sucks. It's an incurable disease, but it keeps killing you again and again. That's why it sucks, because it doesn't make you happy at all. Disney hoodwinked us. We don't get 'happily ever after's at all. It doesn't feel like heaven, it actually hurts like hell."_

_No_, she thought, and immediately crumpled the paper. It was far too frank, far too straightforward. It was obvious. She wanted it to be… deeper. _Simple but gives the message._

And then she thought of it. She remembered that day, five years ago. And when she was in second year. And that day under the tree…

"_Mom, everyone in school's talking about Valentine's Day, and when the teacher asked me what it means, I didn't know what to say, and everyone laughed at me and I cried."_

"_Now, dear. Don't get so teary. There's nothing wrong with not knowing what Valentine's Day is all about."_

"_But, they laughed at me!"_

"_You see, sweetie, Valentine's Day is a precious day for people who love each other. Now don't cry because you didn't know. Never cry because of something you don't know. You cry because you couldn't take something anymore."_

"_But what if they make fun of me again and again every day?"_

"_You cry only when you don't want to hear it. But until then, you smile because you're strong. And you are, Mikan. You are strong."_

_**Sumiasen Highschool, Many months ago**_

"_I swear guys, this is it!"_

"_What now, idiot? Go away."_

"_Hey, hey, don't go! I need to tell you this! You see, there's this _really _good-looking guy in my Math class, he's name's Natsume Hyuuga, and he just showed me that he's not the arrogant and mighty student we thought he is! Want to know his inner self, Hotaru? I'll tell you! He's very strong, and very brave, and he likes kids! You see, I got bullied earlier by that senior, you know her, right? Well, she bullied me, and Natsume told her to stop, and she did! Isn't that wonderful? He's such a prince, I really think he's _the _one!"_

"_Mikan, we're in high school. Love doesn't exist in high school."_

"_Oh, stop being a sour puss, Hotaru."_

"_I'm with Anna, sorry, Hotaru."_

"_Oh, oh!"_

"_What's it this time, Mikan?"_

"_I forgot, he has a childhood friend, that girl with dark green hair? The pretty one? There, right there! See?"_

"_Stop pointing, Mikan, it's rude."_

"_Well, she's Natsume's childhood friend, I think they're even more, but I have to stay positive! Natsume's _my _prince, he's going to make _me _happy."_

_**Sumiasen Highschool, Present Year**_

"_Hey, Natsume." He looked at her fiercely and looked away to wipe his wet eyes as she took a seat beside him_. I love you, so much_. "You don't need to hide that. I heard everything and, well, I'm sorry for prying." Natsume didn't say anything, but the quick movements and accidental escapes of low chokes gave away. _She's a fool, Natsume. _"Everything will be fine. Waiting for her may be painful but it's the best you can do." _Look at me. _"If you need help, I'll lend you a hand."_ I'll lend you my heart.

"_This isn't your business, little girl," he said quite sternly._

He's trying to be cold and arrogant,_ Mikan silently remarked to herself._

"_But if you want to help, you can."_

_Mikan looked up. _Way beyond the universe. _"Tell me how." Without wasting another second, he leaned towards her, eyes dry and redder than ever, filled with passion and life. _Totally way beyond the universe. "_W—what are you doing?" She stuttered, suddenly feeling nervous. She wasn't comfortable in that position with Natsume Hyuuga. Heck, she wasn't comfortable in any position with Natsume Hyuuga!_

_He suddenly pressed a finger to her lips. "You can have more than this, if you'll be my girl."_

He said what? Oh God, he just said it! Natsume wants me to be his girlfriend! Wait; hold on a second, Mikan. This isn't right. "_You're insane. You just broke up with Sumire." _

_She didn't realize what had happened until she felt his warm lips against hers once again. Time seemed to have stopped when Natsume leaned closer and kissed her, deeply and more roughly than earlier. Mikan knew she was too young for … for _this_, but right then, she didn't care, because she knew she loves him. His tongue travelled in her mouth, heady and deep and so damn good. It was like heaven for Mikan, even better. _

_When they broke apart, she was at lost; she felt like she had not breathed in so many years._

"_What do you say, Polka dots?" She almost forgot that Natsume liked to tease her about her undergarment print._

Pervert_. Hence, she smiled. "Yes, I'll be your girlfriend," and she wrapped her arms around him, caging him in her small arms._

Then the idea and words came.

"'_Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.' A passage, courtesy of the Corinthians. Lengthy, yet true. We all know that love can be defined in simple terms, and choosing broader meanings make it more complicated, confusing us, because love _is_ complicated and complication, for me, results to emotional blindness, which is why I have come to the conclusion that love— great, sweet, powerful love—is blind."_

_Yes, it's the perfect introduction, _Mikan thought. She then placed the unfinished essay in a folder and took out another sheet, and began with,

_Dearest Natsume…_

"Hey, mom." Mikan informed the woman on the other line. "By the way, I decided I'm going after all."

"_But I thought you hated it…"_

"What, mom, after years of convincing, you suddenly want me _not _to go?" Mikan chuckled. "That's weird."

"_Well, dear, I thought you didn't want to go."_

"Things change mom. My thoughts did. Besides… I want to do more."

A figure approached her. She hung up the phone quickly and faced Ruka.

"Mikan? What's the matter? When you asked me to come, I thought you were in trouble or something…"

Without voicing out any thoughts, she grabbed Ruka by the hand and dragged him outside. He didn't say anything, nor struggle. He is waiting what Mikan will say this time at this kind of situation in her life.

They were walking down the street a few blocks away from home when Mikan asked, "Hey, Ruka? Where's Natsume? I was just… worried."

"He's on a vacation… a, uh, trip… two weeks in..." Ruka bit the inside of his mouth. He didn't want to sell off his best friend, but he didn't want to lie to Mikan either.

"Where, Ruka?" Mikan prodded.

There was a moment's hesitation. "…Singapore."

"Oh," Mikan's voice trailed off. "Is Singapore a beautiful country?"

Ruka glanced at Mikan's innocent face. So pure, so sincere. Such lonely brown eyes, yet she was simply beautiful. "Yeah," he finally said. "They have a low population, but it has a wonderful economy. They have tall and high buildings. It's a wonderful country. Really good places."

"Then, Natsume and Sumire will surely have a good time."

Ruka halted in his tracks. Mikan did, too. Her eyes were watery, she didn't need to hide it. "You knew."

Mikan chuckled sadly. "Of course I do, Ruka. I'm not the smartest bulb around but I know enough to say that he… apparently, Natsume hasn't been the most loyal boyfriend."

"Still… you love him. You do, don't you?"

"Yes. I always will."

"But I love you."

This made Mikan suddenly turn. She was utterly shocked. Ruka loves her? That's just impossible… that's just… that's just…

"No!" Mikan cried. She felt guilty. All these times, voicing out her complains, that she loves Natsume despite of everything… Ruka listened, even though he loved her. "Stop kidding with me. Please."

It was Ruka's turn to smile. "I'm not. I always have loved you, Mikan. Ever since. Even before Natsume. Mikan, you must know that Natsume might not even have… the same feelings for you."

"I know. I'm wishing he does. Please… just leave me Ruka. I'm sorry. I'm such a fool. I… I wish I loved you, you know. You're wonderful, Ruka. You really are. And I'm really sorry. But, I don't think I can love you more than just a friend."

* * *

"_I never regretted loving. I never did. But what I hated is the fact that I loved so much, too much, and didn't notice the people around me who loved me even more. It was such a queasy feeling. It was difficult to talk to those people I hurt without meaning to, because I was far too selfish and drowned in lies. I didn't deserve them, I thought. I didn't deserve all these good friends, all these intelligent teachers. But they never let me feel that. They didn't leave me. In fact, they stayed with me even more, even longer. And it made me tear up."_

Natsume began to stand. "You're not going anywhere, Natsume." Sumire warned in a low dangerous whisper.

"I'm just going to talk to her," he countered, "She's making an even bigger fool out of herself."

"You have nothing to do with her. Don't go feeling guilty. She's just a stupid girl who's gone unbelievably obsessed. She's not worth—"

"Will you clam it?" he thundered in a hiss. "What do you expect me to do? You don't want me to apologize. The girl's tearing up. I used her, she's right. Least I could do is to apologize."

"You don't love her. Tell me you don't. Please tell me you don't."

Natsume is getting irritated by Sumire's unstoppable voicing out of wrong assumptions. "I don't. But I should take responsibility of her."

"_After_. Not now. Don't make a spectacle of yourself." Sumire said with authority.

Natsume gave her a glare, which she returned just as the same.

"_People think I'm a dimwit and that I made a big fool of myself. I am. Because everything in life needs to end. It can be hard, it can be easy, but it all ends. With every chapter comes with an open ending; they may be stained with the next chapter, but it's going to be new."_

**End of Chapter**

* * *

**Thank you so much Kyra Marie. **

**It's on the fifth chapter and soon will be entering the sixth chapter. Oh my, this revised story will be finish soon! Can you believe it? It's so faaaast! I hope to read more reviews regarding the changes because it's really good and my beta reader Kyra Marie did a good job. Do you think so too? Again, have you cried? Or not? **

**Well this is not a dramatic chapter after all.**

**Another thing, add me on Facebook. Why? So we can be friends! You can read my updates there and everything I do. I am active on Facebook and so as many authors so please do add us.**

**w w w . f a c e b o o k. c o m /keaRyanCe**


	6. Stars and Dazzles

**The Seven Heartbreaking Chapters of Her Life**

"_**Stars and Dazzles"**_

_**Written by: **__**keaRy anCe**_

It was dawn. Everyone else was still sleeping. Except for one.

Mikan was wide awake, all hyped up for school. Natsume and Sumire were back in Japan, and Mikan's been waiting for this day for so long. After taking a quick bath, she slipped on her uniform and shined her shoes. Six in the morning, she was out, and the streets were barely occupied. It was solitude written on the road, but Mikan knew she was going to be even more upset.

_Okay, Mikan, _she told herself, _Today, you're going to be tough._

The fog was thick. With a reported thirteen degree Celsius, what else should she expect? But her mind was too preoccupied for later to even take mind of the weather. She stared at the tall buildings she came to know as her second home. It suddenly wasn't the same as she thought so three months ago. Then, she couldn't wait to see Hotaru and her friends. She couldn't wait to smile at Natsume and have his hand around hers. Except they were all just for show.

_You put on quite a show, _she sung to her mind, _really had me going, but now it's time to go; curtains finally closing._

Ah yes, those artists really need to stop writing songs describing her life.

She reached that particular tree. Dropping her bag on the ground, she sat against the tree and sighed. "You stupid, stupid tree," she whispered out loud with stinging eyes. "If I wasn't so attached to you in the first place, I wouldn't have seen that so-called break-up, and I wouldn't be in this mess. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't have to talk to Natsume later because we wouldn't talk under this tree and he won't use me as a rebound. How really unlucky you are to me.

"But you know what? I bet, if you could talk to me, you'd tell me what an idiot I am, like Hotaru. Or that you love me, like Ruka. Or tell me to get lost, like Natsume, because I'm annoying. 'Cause you know everything, don't you? You probably knew it from the start. Maybe you should've told me instead. I was too lightheaded for this love thing, you know? Wait, you do. You just didn't tell me. 'Cause you can't. 'Cause you're a tree.

"But you're _my _tree. You should've… No, I should've known. I was so deluded with my fantasies, wasn't I?"

And she was so deluded in them that the bell finally rang. She ran off swiftly to their building, her thoughts still deep in thinking. Her mind was wrapped around Natsume. Natsume, no one else. Just Natsume.

Suddenly, he was right there.

"N—N—Natsume."

He shifted his stance, both hands digging his pockets.

"Uh, m—may I h—have a—a hug?"

When Natsume nodded, Mikan thought her whole world was going to explode.

With arms still around his shoulders, Mikan asked in a muffled voice, as her face was buried on his chest, "Was Singapore a pretty country?"

"Yeah. Wonderful."

She let go of him and with all strength she possessed, she gave him a smile. "I'm glad you had fun. I'll talk to you later, after school, alright?"

"What's _she _doing here?" Sumire asked scornfully when Mikan has run away. She kissed him lightly in the lips.

Natsume rolled his eyes. "Asked how Singapore was. She looked damn cheerful."

"Oh, come on, don't go around looking confused. The girl's highly obsessed with you. She really thinks she's the girlfriend. _God_. Couldn't she get it through her thick skull?"

"You said it yourself. She has a thick skull."

* * *

"What on earth, Mikan!"

Blinking rapidly, she faced her friends with a big question mark on top of her head. "'What on earth' what?"

Anna frustratingly pointed at Natsume and Sumire who just entered the room at the same time. "What on earth is _that_?"

"_That _is Natsume." Mikan said quite cheerfully, albeit the hand emotionally crushing her heart. "And the other _that _is Sumire."

"Exactly!" Anna waved her hands with bulging eyes. How could Mikan not get what she meant?

"Mikan," Nonoko said slowly, as if talking to a kindergartner, "Why are Natsume and Sumire… _close, close_?"

Blink. Blink. "Because they're friends." _Because they're lovers._

"No, no," Anna was looking worried and kept stealing glances at the aforementioned 'friends'.

Nonoko followed this with "Friends don't stare at each other's eyes like they're going to eat each other up."

Blink. Blink. "Hotaru always stares at me like she's going to eat me up." _Please don't ask anymore._

"No, you idiot," Hotaru butted in annoyingly, "I don't even want to touch _anything _with your DNA on it. I look at you like that because I want to hit you so badly, like now." She leaned closer and whispered harshly to Mikan's ear so the other two won't hear: "If this is about Hyuuga, I'll make sure he will _never _walk on his two legs again."

Hotaru drew back and Mikan feigned a smile for the sake of Anna and Nonoko. "I will _never _want to never walk on two legs."

* * *

With her backpack on her shoulders, Mikan started towards _the _tree. It wasn't just 'the tree' anymore, she realized. It was not as innocent as any other. It was like Mikan's diary. It witnessed everything. It _knows everything_.

_I wish I knew everything_, Mikan silently wished. She could count the steps left before she would reach _the _tree. _I wish I knew everything from the beginning, so I won't look like a complete fool, like I do now._

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

"You came."

Mikan has never seen a man as handsome as Hyuuga Natsume. Those tantalizing crimson eyes that could melt anyone. The soft raven hair of his too stubborn to stay neat. That wonderful chiseled face, all in proportion, oh-so-perfect. He was a thunderstorm on quiet day. He was… he was… _he was irresistible. _

"I need to get going, so make it fast, alright?"

He was also stubborn and arrogant. Always acting so high and mighty. Aware he's the supreme guy, aware of all the affections showering him. He was not just a pretty face, he was not just the modern-day Adonis. He _knows _he's everything.

"I…" _No, Mikan, don't stutter. Not now. _"I just need to talk to you about— about something important."

He quickly glanced at the gleaming silver watch. "Start."

It was a command.

He was the boss, not the boyfriend.

"N—Natsume, w—wha—wha'r'we?" She blushed. _Why, Mikan? Get a hold of yourself, you idiot!_

"I was expecting something in a language both of us could understand."

_Us, he said us! Wait, no, Mikan, you're getting off topic. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale— _"What exactly are we, Natsume?"

She knew it wasn't what he expected. Then what was he expecting? _"Natsume, please lend me money?" "Natsume, take me to Singapore next time?" "Natsume, where's my birthday gift?" Oh, right, _she remembered bitterly, _he doesn't even know I'm a year older now._

"'We' are a couple. Remember? That day under the tree?" _Jeez,_ he thought, _What a troublesome kid._

"No, we're not," she retorted quickly, and she guessed tears were going to escape her eyes any moment now. "We're not, Natsume. You and I both know that."

"I don't know what you're saying. Look, I need to—"

"You _need _to talk to me!" She could barely see him now. "We _need _this time, Natsume! You _need_ to tell me! Please!" Forgetting all willpower and pride she carefully stored, she burst into furious tears. "Please, Natsume. Tell me. Did you ever love me?"

_Whoosh. Whoosh. _No answer.

She repeated the question. "Please, Natsume. Answer me now. Did you ever love me? Or was I just a rebound?"

_Cricket. Cricket. _No answer.

She was like a poor child; soft and innocent and begging. "Did you love me, Natsume? Or were you thinking about her the whole time?"

"Who—" he tried to say, but Mikan wouldn't hear anything from him. She didn't want to hear him say the other girl's name out loud.

"Sumire! Shouda Sumire! You're _real_ girlfriend!"

"What _barbarous_ thing made you—"

"What barbarous thing that made me what, Natsume?" She was through being innocent little Mikan. Through being the baby. Through being fooled. "Made me love you? Made me love you so much that I forgot to open my eyes? Well, newsflash, Natsume. _I don't know_. Every other girl would be crying out every perfect damn thing about you, but you're more than that, Natsume. _I saw it. _You're more than just the looks and the personality. I saw beyond that, Natsume. But you didn't see me, did you? You only saw a pathetic little girl you could play with while the love of your life fixes things up with her family. You don't know how I knew everything I'm telling you right now, because you didn't believe I could figure it out. Because, to you, I'm nothing. To you, I'm no one important."

"Look, I'll take you home. It's your time of the month, isn't it? You're having issues; you're creating illusions in your head. Come on." He reached for her arm but she swiftly held it back. Natsume's eyes widened.

"I loved you so much, Natsume," Mikan cried, "I still do. I love you so much, and because of that love, I'm in the state where you can _never _hurt me again. Never again, because I know better. And I know that it was all about Sumire. You had your eyes on her the moment you saw her. You have your eyes on her _everywhere_. You can't stop thinking about her. Your heart keeps crying for her. Your arms want to be around her. You don't know, because you can't explain it. That's love, Natsume. _That's_ love, if you don't know. _That_'s what _I _feel for you. I have my eyes stuck on yours ever since I laid eyes on you. I can't stop thinking about you. My heart keeps crying for you. My arms want to be around you. My heart keeps shouting for you, it's telling me that I love you, but my mind doesn't want me to get hurt, and that's exactly what you're doing to me."

Natsume couldn't bring himself to talk. He knew Mikan would just counter it, and that she'd be right.

He didn't expect her to give a smile, though.

But it was a sad smile. It was the type of smile where you just _know _there are a thousand stories behind it.

And there was.

"I envied Sumire because you had your eyes on her. Not on me. And on my birthday, you lied and told me you were with your family. I let it go, Natsume, but you probably forgot that I live in Tokyo, too, don't you? Because I saw you while you were out with her. Do you know what everyone else was saying? They said you looked perfect. A handsome young man and a beautiful young lady." She took a deep breath. This was it. "You went to Singapore with her. You went to the countryside with me. You probably have her number on speed dial. You don't even know mine. Natsume, forgive me, but I can't play your game anymore."

"I'm sorry." Natsume said. He didn't look entirely weepy but he looked sheepish. Guilty.

Mikan didn't want to hear that from him. Deep inside, she wished he said he loved her. But that was her 'kid-stuck-in-fairy-tale-land' talking. She was living in reality, and Natsume would never say that he loved her, that she was his.

"Me too, Natsume." Mikan said, wiping the tears with the tip of her fingers, holding out the sobs and giving him the saddest smile. "Me too."

* * *

"Mikan?" Mr. Narumi called her attention for the second time. "Are you alright? Do you want to sit down?"

"I—I'm about to finish, sir. I'm sorry." Swallowing back the sobs, Mikan turned back to her essay. It was such a weak thing to cry in front of everyone, but she was just human.

"_Love and hatred are two similar things. Yes, love is sweet and wonderful. It's pure bliss, like a lifetime supply of fluff puffs. It's tacky and mushy and indeed bothersome, but there's something tasteful about this seemingly innocent thing we've come to know as 'love'. It brings out the best and worst of each person, and this is how we've come to know 'hatred'. Hatred is when love goes wrong, when it comes at the wrong time for the wrong people. Hatred is when Cupid accidentally hits you with his arrow and misses the right person. Hatred is when everything is doomed from the start but you still go on even though you're aware of the present negativity. But hatred only happens when you keep pursuing something that's not destined to be and you end up screwing everything up even more, so as long as Cupid doesn't go haywire, there is love. Keep in mind, though, that love is there; it has always been, but it will blossom at the right time, with the right person."_

There was a round of applause.

* * *

"Mikan."

The brunette immediately stiffened; her hands hastily wiped the almost-drying tears.

"Well, you have some guts!" Anna angrily hissed.

"You've got some after all, don't you?" Hotaru said lightly, but her eyes screamed resentment "You should've used them earlier, you coward."

"Natsume," Nonoko said kindly, "This really isn't the right time."

"I need to talk to her," Natsume announced.

Everyone stared at him, except the brunette whose head was still down. Ruka was a bit unsure of his best friend's sudden decision. If they weren't friends at all, he would've punched Natsume in the face and make him feel sorry for rudely tearing the poor girl's heart to tiny pieces.

"Natsume," he managed to voice out, "they're right. This isn't the right time. Leave Mikan to us."

_Leave Mikan to us. _Those words annoyed the hell out of Natsume. He didn't know why. He stared deeply at Ruka's eyes, and a couple of curses and a hundred arguments crossed them with that single stare.

_Leave Mikan to us._

But Mikan didn't want to stay put anymore. She stood up with imperfection all over: swollen eyes, a small and red but pointed nose, messy brown hair.

Anna was flabbergasted.

Nonoko was amazed.

Hotaru was wary.

Ruka was thunderstruck.

Natsume didn't know what he felt.

"I'll give you fifteen minutes tomorrow," Mikan said monotonously, "Fifteen minutes, and that's all. I've given you too much of my time already, I can't manage to waste some more."

"Give me your word," he requested equally, "Give me your word that you'll listen."

Mikan was naturally cold. "You don't need my word, Natsume—"

He was not the star she believed he was.

"— because I'm not like you."

She was not the dazzle he expected.

**End of Chapter**

* * *

**Aww, my dearest beta reader doesn't fail to amaze me. **

**Review?**


	7. My Heart is Still Yours

_**The Seven Heartbreaking Chapters Of Her Life**_

"_**My Heart is Still Yours"**_

**Written by: ****keaRy anCe**

"_Be here by nine or you'll miss the train, so just once in your life, don't be late, sweetie. I know it's hard to leave everything behind especially when you're in the middle of high school, but everything will be worth it. It's going to be your new home, so just bear it all, alright, honey? Honey? Sweetie, are you listening to me?"_

"_Yes, mom. Don't worry. I'll be prompt and I'll promise to do my best."_

"_Please do."_

_

* * *

_

Natsume expected Mikan not to listen. He will simply, after all, defend himself for the sake of his reputation. It made him seem very… unlikeable and evil. After reading her essay to the class yesterday, it came to him that the girl loved him more than he loves Sumire.

And every single time he remembers that cheerful winsome smile of hers, it reminds him that he's not the only person in the world. That everything won't always go according to his plan.

That there was something and someone way more important than the one he originally thought was.

"Hey."

And Mikan was there. Plain and simple. She was probably wearing the school uniform under the oversized sweater that reached past her knees. He never noticed it before, but she was quite thin; it made him wonder of the strength she possessed in such a seemingly fragile body.

"Hey."

"So…" Mikan glanced at _the _tree. He didn't need to tell her where to go. She knew. "What do you want to talk about?" Although she is aware of what their topic is going to be, well, she still need to ask, does she?

"You said you would listen."

"You don't need to have my word. I will always, always listen to what you have to say, Natsume." He looked at her. She was sincere. "I'm considerate." She added.

"And I'm not?" he countered.

"Tic, toc, tic, toc," she gave him a mysterious smile, "The clock is ticking, Natsume. Your fifteen minutes are ticking down." For the first time, she wanted to be the impatient girl even for a moment.

And it hit Natsume. It hit him hard.

He killed Sakura Mikan.

"What's the matter, Hyuuga Natsume? Are you, in some way," she tilted her head to the right with the same mischievous smile, "afraid of me?" She finished.

_Am I? _He asked himself. _No, _he decided firmly. "I'm not."

Mikan shrugged. "That's what you say." She ran a hand through her slightly damp hair. "But will you please get to the point? You're already wasting my time."

"Shut it." Natsume has gone berserk. He didn't know why, so God help him.

Mikan didn't stop from pissing him off. "Tic, toc, tic, toc, Hyuuga."

He grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her against the tree. "You talk too much for such a small person." He hissed, trying to control his temperament.

"You shout too much for such an introvert." She retorted, her voice is cold.

"I swear, if you cut through me—"

"Oh, intimidating me won't be necessary."

Natsume calmed down a bit. "Look, I just want to ask for your forgiveness. It'll take less than five minutes."

"Oh, Natsume." Mikan exhaled loudly, frowning. "That's the _most difficult _thing you've ever asked me to do. Way more difficult than pretending that I didn't know you were 'cheating' behind my back."

_I don't blame you, _he wanted to say. But he wanted his reputation back on track. If he doesn't, Sumire won't let him hear the end of it. Nor his parents. "I'm not asking you to really forgive me. You can tell everyone in class you and I are done, no more hate. After that, you can go back to cursing my name in your mind. With your friends. In private. _Without_ ruining my name."

Mikan shook her head amusingly. "Natsume, I may be foolish, I may be an idiot and I admit I'm no Einsteinette, but I'm not _that _dumb."

The girl who used to respect him was long gone.

"What?" Natsume was utterly aghast.

Mikan had a small smile playing along her lips before she replied. The wind brushed past her like a gentle puffed-out air. "Natsume, I love you so much, it hurts. It still does." He couldn't tell what her eyes were saying. They looked teary, yet they were strong and powerful. "But I never want to forget that feeling, Natsume, because no matter how sadistic it sounds, it's one of the most important happenings in my life." When she looked at him straight in the eye, he swore the hair on his back stood in fright. Yet, her next words were sincere— so sincere that it made Natsume wonder why, of all the girls in the world who worshipped his every step, destiny had to choose Mikan Sakura. "I'll forgive you, Natsume, but not now. Not today. Not in a long while."

Caught short, he cried in frustration, "See here, you don't understand!"

"No, _you _don't understand." She poked him the chest. "Forgiving you would mean that everything is useless. If I 'forgive' you even though I really don't, it still doesn't change the fact that I come out looking like an even bigger fool than the big one they already know I am." Her voice softened and he was again reminded of the avenging angel who once brought a moment of solemnity in his life. "Natsume, if I tell anyone that I'm letting you off after all that crap you did to me, what I learned would be futile, and I don't want that to happen."

He stared at her.

Hard.

"I must've caused you a lot of pain, didn't I?"

_Yes, _she yelled at him in her mind, _imagine that sting I felt when I realized that no way could a wonderful knight like you fell in love with a damsel like me! _"Not every question comes with an answer." She said, looking deeply into his eyes.

_I know I did. Why can't you just say it? _"I've always thought that Sakura has an answer to everything."

_I'm not giving you an answer, Natsume. _"I never thought Hyuuga would hate having another fan girl."

_Just say it. Please. _"You weren't a fan girl. You played a role in the tale." He cleared.

_Don't force me. Please. _"No, Natsume. I was just a fan. I worshipped your voice. I kissed your feet. I daydreamed about you. I was an obsessed fan. Didn't you realize it?" Mikan shrugged. She couldn't be even more light and easy as she was, although deep inside she had a hundred of emotions waiting to burst out, already in smithereens. "Just a fan."

Natsume was speechless. He couldn't think of anything wise to counter her Mikan-logic. _Stop making this hard for me._

Mikan didn't say anything else. _Stop making this hard for me._

He finally lost control. He slammed his hands and trapped her against the tree. His eyes were intense, not of passion, not of anger. They were just strong and powerful, it made her wince a little. But his next words were murmured. "Why don't you just listen to me?"

In the same, soft voice she used that made him wonder, Mikan whispered with a trembling voice, "I _am _listening, Natsume. But you're not listening to yourself." She allowed the tears to escape. She held his cheek and continued, "You want to say something, Natsume. You want to do what's right. But you're not listening to what your heart is telling you. You keep acting on your own accord with whatever your head is asking you to do. Natsume, before confronting someone, sort out your thoughts. Listen to your heart. You're a smart person, Natsume. But great minds are useless if not sincere."

He didn't know what to say, and so he spluttered out, "I'm as earnest as everyone else."

She smiled a little. "No, Natsume. Do you want to know what being sincere is? It's me telling you that I don't hold grudges against Shouda Sumire. It's me telling you that I'm not mad at the person you chose over me. Natsume, being sincere isn't just being honest to other people. It's being honest to yourself. I told you I'm no whiz, but I know you're not being truthful to me right now."

"I'm not hiding anything."

Patting his cheek playfully, Mikan sighed. "If you say so, Natsume. I should go. I—" _I'll see you around? I'll see you later? I'll see you soon? Will we really see each other again? _"—I have something important to attend to."

The talk wasn't clear, because neither was being honest. Natsume knew he wasn't. Mikan wasn't either.

She slipped under the cages he held her in and turned her back. "See you when I see you, I guess."

_Goodbye, Natsume._

_

* * *

_

_I am finding out that maybe I was wrong_

_That I've fallen down and I can't do this alone_

_Stay with me_

_This is what I need please_

As she sat on the train with her luggage in front of her, Mikan wondered how she really hated it. She would leave behind everything in a matter of seconds— everything she earned in her sixteen years of living: her friends, her dreams, her thoughts, her secrets. Without even saying goodbye.

_Love is patient and kind._

Mikan wanted to laugh at the absurdity of her mind. The paper she wrote was truly a mirror of a three month-long experience. Of course, who would've known? She had been tolerant, walking around with her eyes closed, with her hands on her ears. She pretended to be mindless of reality who rode past her in a speed.

_Sing us a song_

_And we'll sing it back to you_

_We could sing our own_

_But what would it be without you_

_It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud._

Mikan didn't know exactly what she was feeling. It was as if everything was beginning to be a blur. Perhaps the talk of Natsume sealed the bitterness. It didn't leave a trace of sweetness, but it made Mikan felt whole, like she was unscathed in the beginning. Desire and jealously bubbled inside her, but she couldn't say the same in present time. People say that jealousy was a good thing in a relationship— that it was good to know that someone feared to lose you. But Mikan didn't own Natsume in the first place; he had his eyes on someone else.

And so, Mikan thought it over, and she realized that jealousy, perhaps, is not good at all. Jealousy was being possessive of your partner. Mikan reasoned to herself that love is supposed to be unconditional. It doesn't ask to be favored in return. When someone loves, they love. There is no need for it to bounce back. Love does not like being showed-off in public, because once love is settled between two people, it doesn't need to be spoken about in the whole world. Love requires only the participation of two beating hearts, not the whole population, for it is not swollen with pride.

_I am nothing now_

_And it's been so long_

_Since I've heard a sound_

_The sound of my only hope_

_This time I will be listening_

Mikan tried to sit comfortably, and the train started to move and pick up speed. Starting then, she wasn't just Sakura Mikan. She was _Sakura Mikan_. It was a new life she was heading to. A new light of hope.

_It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered…_

She left with a million regrets, but the burden suddenly seems light. There was no room for anger. She has to start new. She has to start easy. She has to do it all over again, with the best smile she could muster, with the best memories she had, with the best of everything that she still has. There was not a space for any negativity to take over this new life. It was her last hope to be someone again; someone untainted with rust, and once again be the person who brought smiles wrapped in sunshine for breakfast, lunch and supper.

_Sing us a song_

_And we'll sing it back to you_

_We could sing our own_

_But what would it be without you_

…_it keeps no record of wrongs._

Mikan thought that if only she didn't fail her Math exam, she wouldn't have asked help from Hotaru, she wouldn't have headed to the library, and she wouldn't have stopped by the Sakura tree. If only she looked at Ruka a little longer, everything would've been fine. If only they talked a bit longer, she wouldn't have heard everything under the tree.

But love didn't keep a record of one's mistakes. Mikan was destined to fail the exam, ask help from Hotaru, head to the library and stop by the tree. She was destined to be blind and deaf to Ruka's affections.

It was all destined, and no one would remember it all.

_I will, _Mikan argued with herself, _I'll know why it happened, how it happened. I'll remember how his mouth felt on mine, how warm his breath was on my face when we kissed, how gentle his hands were around mine, and how much it hurt then, when I unraveled the truth._

But she didn't need to remember it.

She would recall those things, but she didn't need to. But even if she didn't need to, she would keep remembering them, because that's what life does. It will keep reminding you of the things that once failed your heart, the things that made you frail and fragile. But it will always do so for something.

_This heart, it beats_

_Beats for only you_

_Oh, Natsume._

_My heart is yours._

She leaned her head against the window and for the first time that day, she didn't hold the tears back when she felt them coming. She can't fight it forever so she sobbed all her heartaches.

* * *

"Has anyone seen Mikan?" Yuu asked after checking the daily attendance. Mikan hasn't been around for two days, and did not even inform any of her friends.

Anna was beyond worried. "I haven't reached her phone since."

"I dropped by this morning to check if she's sick, but the landowner said she hasn't seen her either." Ruka explained. He was as anxious, not because he had personal feelings, but he treated Mikan as a real friend, too. He wanted to know why she hasn't been answering her phone or why she suddenly left.

Nonoko silently prayed, _Please let Mikan be okay_.

But Hotaru was silent. She was worried as they were, but she had the slightest hint where Mikan was. She wasn't exactly disappointed of her best friend's decision. Perhaps it is better that she maintains a distance between her and Natsume, but a selfish side of Hotaru wished that Mikan didn't leave. She wished that Mikan chose to stay and remain in Hotaru's side, screaming greetings and hugging people like a kid.

"I know you're worried, Natsume," Sumire snapped at the person beside her without looking up from the magazine.

"Worried with whom?" He tried to keep his voice monotonous, but Sumire knew better.

She looked irritated as she flipped to the next page. "You know damned well _who_. Stop kidding around. You're worried at that obsessed girl who thinks she was damn great when she 'had' you."

"_You _were the one who wanted me to find someone to fly time with," Natsume said, slightly pissed, "She did her part and acted it out with flying colors. The girl got an A+ for that, now stop talking about her like you know everything she feels."

"Honey, I _do_, because in case you haven't noticed, I'm a girl—"

"Believe me, I noticed that as soon as your foot entered—"

"— and I _know _what girls feel. I know that fluttering in your stomach, that putting on flavored balm, that first kiss, that warmth you feel when the guy wraps his arms around you—"

"She knows them." He said firmly, and Sumire annoyingly flipped the page again. "She's knows them more than anyone else. She's a newcomer with all of this… this…this—"

"Love thing."

"That."

Both of them were silent. Their fight earned a couple of heads to their direction, and they were silently watched, like vultures with sharp eyes and ears. When the story was out, everyone wanted to know how it would affect their relationship.

Natsume gathered his views carefully.

_Listen to your heart._

_Great minds are useless if not sincere._

_Being sincere isn't just being honest to other people. It's being honest to yourself._

It was time to listen to his heart, to stop doing things according to each dictation of his mind.

It was time to be honest.

"What if I tell you that I felt that love thing?"

Sumire snorted without looking up. "Who wouldn't? Natsume, I know for a fact that you couldn't help thinking of me when you were with Sakura."

"Not with you, you arrogant brat."

Everyone was listening. A pin could've dropped and it would've made a sound like a TNT bomb.

"Excuse me?" The magazine lay forgotten on the floor. Sumire's eyes were wide, her feet trembling when she stood up.

"What if I tell you that I felt that— that flutter in the stomach, that unfamiliar warmth, that wishing you had a mint on your mouth before the kiss— what if I tell you that I felt that when I saw Sakura Mikan two days ago?"

* * *

_Oh my, is this even a school?_

Mikan gazed open-mouthed at the humongous infrastructure behind an equally huge iron gate and high brick walls.

"Honey, close your mouth," her mother reprimanded. Mikan did, but she couldn't help but stare, still.

"Mom," she breathed out, "this is a high-class prison!"

"No, Mikan," her mother laughed, "this is your new school."

_My new school. A whole new me. Starting over. My last hope._

"Welcome to Alice Academy, Mikan."

**End of Story**

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**Last year, I was planning. Planning to write a story about a fan girl's feelings but I didn't know I kinda applied it here. Or was it Kyra Marie? I really can't remember. Haha!**

**While reading this chapter, I got teary-eyed. Before I really wanted to make a story that can make people cry because that's another form of entertainment. While listening to Taylor Swift's Invisible, the plot came into my mind. To add some twist, I decided to limit the chapters into seven. I planned everything in my mind the following nights and thus this story was born. **

**I really am surprise at the feedbacks. Wow. Many like the story. It has been completed and many are like "Nice story!" and many more so after months of its completion, I reread it and found so many errors. I wanted to make the story more beautiful for the sake of the people who disregarded the errors and love the story so I started my search for a beta reader and luckily Kyra Marie volunteered and I also asked Tearless Sonnet for the first few chapters. They did a really good job. Thanks to them.**

**I hope you enjoyed everything, from first to last. **

**Write a story too. I'll, no, we'll be glad to read it. **

**Before I forgot, **_**The Second Book**_** is the sequel if this story. Thank you, again. **

**Another song that will fit this story is ****You Will Never Be by Julia Sheer****. **


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